Friday, December 20, 2013

Open Letter To Don Jazzy and Dbanj

I was on Stella's blog 2 days ago and on the post about ex President Obasanjo's daugther's fake open letter, someone mentioned 2013 was the year of open letters. That comment had me cracking up so hard but it also inspired me to write my own open letter to a celebrity. lol. So here it goes...

               An Open Letter to Don Baba Jazzy and Banger Lee of Life Dbanj.



Holiday greetings to you good sirs. How una dey? I hope you two dey shine eye for all these weyre babes? Ah no mind Psquare o! Dont ever tell no girl they MUST chop your money. Even if na Genevieve. woman na woman. We too like money...hahaha.The only one wey get that license na una mama. Anyway sha wetin concern me. Thats not the point of this letter biko.


It was 2005 i think... the very first time i heard the song Tongolo! Yea i know...we was a little late.lol. My friends and i hunted for everything we could about the song and that was the day i bought my first Aba made cd. The first time i spent money on a cd. Y'all are that speacial to me. I think it was the video cd we bought that day sef. One kind blurry something. We sha managed it and loved and treasured it till one of us broke the thing. lol. The cd that had a bunch of songs including kerewa. Remember Kerewa? I wonder where that musician is now sef. That song got us in plenty trouble with our teachers. That song and your song Tongolo. hahahaha... The teachers corrupted our minds o! Me i was just hearing song...they were hearing badt sometin. How that was supposed to be my business i no understand. Anyway i remember very well Tongolo was Track 10 mehn... That song had my life. Tongolo! Tongolo! I watched the video a 100 times! I knew the whole dance steps. Everything! That was when i fell in love with you guys! Seriously! Our Rove has come a long way.



In my FGGC we carried a bunch of rumors. hahaha.. I heard Don Jazzy couldnt talk so you talked for him. I heard no one could talk to him except you.lol. I heard you had seven private jets and Don Jazzy had eleven. Ah i even started one that you (dbanj) was my Uncle's son. My gullible classmates believed me for a lil bit until they realized i was confarmed agbero park igbo babe. Who dash me Yoruba ties. It felt great to be tied to you for a lil though. I was/am a big stan mehn..


Then came Fall in Love...My jam of life.! I never ate sweet potatoes but after hearing my sexzzy Dbanj say the word, i was rushing to eat that orange stuff. Then Suddenly! My favorite Dbanj and Don Jazzy song of all time! Of all time people *Kanye West voice! lol.  I cant ever get tired of that song mehn...I got the lyrics both Yoruba and Igbo inside my head. They are not going anywhere. NEVER!

How about Loke? whenever i listen to that song im dancing with my imaginary Yoruba groom. cough*Dbanj** Cough cough im Kidding! Hahaha... Loke O Loke *doing the leg together hand on head dance**

Igwe! that's what we Igbo's call you two. You both go hand in hand! Equals. No one better pass to me. Unu abuo bu osi na nwata buru ogara anya! Amazing feat you both have accomplished.

My two Mr Endowed... why o why did you both leave me without warning? Last year abi is it this year...Not sure sha cos it feels like y'all been divorced like forever. Anyway when i heard the news of y'all going your separate ways my heart literally broke. Seriously! I felt sick to the pit of my stomach cos i really dont stan for any artists but y'all. I felt that mehn and i have to say that was a low blow. Make it up to me will ya? #wipes-tears


How could you not care about us? I totally felt like the lil kid in the divorce. Why are my parents divorcing, i thought? Whose side do i take? I tried not to get into the heated debates on blogs and not be partial. I refuse to think people who made magic together would just break everything off like that. Im a firm believer in love, thats why im writing this open letter to beg, yes beg you guys to come back together.
Love conquers and forgives all. Im positive what ever it is that drove y'all apart has kids and a big mighty ar*e to focus on now. hehehehe...I didnt mention names o! Haaaa Na you know o! Once a cheater is not always a cheater. People do change. So why don't y'all kiss and make up? Huh? *batting eyelashes*** Come on...do it for the kids? Please? Please?


 hahaha... Just in case my father sees this letter. I will deny deny deny. You cannot categorically prove this letter was from me. Hehehe...
Don Jazzy again...and Dbanj! Oga oooooooo!!! Naija salute! Ok im done...lol