Sunday, January 26, 2014

Glorious Ruins

We finally did it! We Skyped! Hahahaha...  See "badt" people. Una see "did it",  your mind land for gutter. Abeg! abeg o. I am filled with the Holy Spirit... an Anointed daughter of God.  Na step my step holy thingz we dey biko. lmbo!

He was looking so beautiful. I heard that word is totally unisex now, so i can use it to describe I was looking beautiful too *flips hair** haha. I loved looking at him and as we were talking, i found myself wishing he was right by me, and not on my screen and thousands of miles away. :( It was all awkward at first cos we were just sitting there and staring "hearts" at each other with heart racing, palms all sweaty and stomach turning(last one is all me)...buahahahahaha. Nsogbu dikwa. I don gone o my people! I like him. I really really like him. But i haven't said the words though. He is more vocal about his feelings. Make i just put a lid on mine first and do the shakara small even though I'm on cloud 9. Pinch me. lol

We talked about music. Normally for me i listen to whatever sounds good and has clean lyrics. No i do not listen to vulgar rap artists or musicians that sing dirty and swear. I dont have enough time or patience. For instance this new Beyonce's album ...i couldn't listen to it. It was all wrong. I think XO is the only song I was able to stand till the end. The rest i didn't play past 10secs. Please if you are among the Beyhive, don't come for me abeg. Im not saying i don't like her music, its just this new album is very raw/mediocre and i thank God she released it without promo...

Back to the matter, Dimples played me this amazing song. Do y'all know Hillsong United? Its an amazing Christian band. Wait i think they also have this big church in New York City. My friend goes there and she is always gushing about how awesome the church is. There is this song called "Glorious Ruins", and my o my.... that song sends me to heaven mehn. Its been on replay since Dimples played it for me. His play list has a lot of Christian bands. He also played me music from This amazing band "Jesus Culture".

The whole album is titled Glorious Ruins by Hillsong Live. Its on Spotify and you can listen to it for free. If you haven't heard it before, abeg go find am and listen to it. YouTube has the whole album too. You will be blessed. Below is the Song "Glorious Ruins"... please listen! The lyrics are onscreen :)

A man that believes in God. A man that loves God and worships God more than everything. I prayed for that...

Friday, January 24, 2014

The Book Of Friends According to Esther

Yesterday I had the best conversation with my friend Esther. I thoroughly enjoyed myself and I now know for sure she is one of my favorite people.

Esther and I went to the same high school in Nigeria. We were never friends though. I mean we were in the same set but we barely spoke. We rolled in different circles and we had very different personalities.
I hardly heard about her when we lived together in the dormitory because she was real quiet and nerdy. Oh this chick was smart though and she was a very good person. Hardly got involved in petty girl A born leader, I think she was class prefect for years for her class. She was also this Math guru. Most of us knew that and I always admired that about her albeit from afar. She was always with the brainiacs in our set. Those brainiacs always thought they were better than every one and most of them were stuck up. Not Esther though, she was the nicest. But Esther was just that to me...a smarty pants class mate who wore really really long day wears. My friends and I used to make fun of her behind her back for that. In school every girl wanted to show off their hips and legs so we call wore really tight day clothes except Esther. Her day wear was the correct school mandated style and was well well below the knees. Im talking almost to the floor in length...Im not even joking. lol. She was among the people we called "Mama Riy cho". That meant Madam Righteousness. lol. Oh Esty baby...she didn't care. She rocked her Mary Amaka school clothes with so much pride. She let Her brains speak for her and boy did they make the loudest noise. That shut us up... I aint even gonna lie, its true i was smart but home girl was smarter! lol. Esty baby :D

After High school, we reconnected again through Facebook in 2010. That's when i started following her updates and I found out Esther was/is:
Funny- you should read her face book updates. you will laugh your butt off. That chick kills me every time.
Social- I swear she had her whole school on face book and they were always attending one social gathering or the other. Then they'd interact in the comment section. I felt like i knew her friends.
Loved-Her friends and family always showing her love...
Vocal and Confident-She writes objectively and she hardly ever judges or discriminates anyone.
Smart- hello? She is a med student.
Beautiful and Natural-she hardly has "pancake" and lipstick on but her beauty shines through. Natural and slaying it every time.
Gorgeous Hair: her natural hair is all the way to her back and the some. Long and beautiful black hair. I die everytime she shows it off. Im so jealous. Mine wont grow :( Btw that's a picture of her hair up
Christan- and rightly so. Back then in school she was never interested in being a bad girl. Shes always stuck to her Morales and never set them aside to fit in and impress the wrong popular crowd.
Good dress sense-Her skirts still always touches her knees but at least they're really nice skirts. Nothing checkered and flayed. lmao!
Compassionate and Caring: Esty will call you to just say hi. She will help you if you are in need and she will never ever hold it like a banner and "lord" it over you. This girl rocks!

Over the years we have become so close and can talk freely. We talk about everything...Shes Has such a brilliant mind and is so intelligent. Whenever i talk to her she just radiates this joy and i just want to reach over and hug her through the phone. hahahahaha... My young G stunner and blessed being. One of my Nigerian friends that actually calls my phone instead of just flashing me to call them back. lmbo! Shes a keeper! I hope God keeps you alive for many more years and you be successful in all you do. I love you girl :D Oya chop air kiss and hug. xoxo

My American Army Boy Contd...

Good "Badt" Boy: He had a lil goatee, was really dark skinned and muscular. Err...he wasn't really tall though. The scar on his face plus the "uniform" gave him major swag points. He also had a motorcycle, so he was just the picture of the bad boy Mum tells us to stay away from. Except he was a good bad boy because he was selflessly dedicating his life to protect and serve the country. After he got my number, Mpezi's boyfriend joined us and we all just had a nice time laughing and hanging out. It was a nice gathering and he seemed like a great guy...

Missed calls: From the first day he was always calling. He'd call me in the morning, afternoon and night. It was cute at first, then it became irritating. I started to avoid his calls... Id make up silly excuses. I even had to lie that my close grandfather died to to get him off my back for a lil.  I told him i need to be with my family to grieve. Dont worry i never saw any of my grandfathers. They were long gone before i made it into the world. lol. Anyway the lie had the opposite effect though...he blew up my phone and i had 20 missed calls in one sitting(day). When i finally answered he wanted to know if i was ok. He wanted to come console me and help me through my hard time. I know that sounds cute and all to y'all but to me i was like "good gad! Would you let a babe breathe?". lol. Oh Don was something...

Validation: Whenever he'd call, he always went in deep. By the second phone call he was all like, he has been waiting for me. Mpezi always spoke so highly of me and he couldn't wait for me to be all his. By the third phone call he threw in the word love... Dang! I was 19 and he was 26 or so! He was scaring me and i wasn't feeling it at all...Maybe i would have if he took it slow. But homeboy was just all out there and suffocating me. He always wanted to know what i liked about him. I remember telling him that i like that he is brave and kind. Apparently homeboy wasn't looking for intellectual reply. He wanted the physical answer and i knew better. I just said he had a great smile... and he kept asking and asking and asking and asking... He'd send me pictures(nothing dirty) and ask my opinion on them. Its like he just wanted me to praise his looks. He wanted me to wash, dry, iron and fold him. lol. I hate doing laundry anyway so he met the wrong girl. Sometimes I wanted to scream "What do you want me to say?". Inukwa nu-m case. lol.  I never let him talk dirty to me though, i always changed the subject whenever he wanted to go all sexual. He was tiring and weeks felt like months. lol.

Date time: After about two weeks of his calls and lengthy emotional texts, i talked to Mpezi. I didn't really want to talk bad about her "soon to be husband's best friend", so i just told her that i am not ready to be in a relationship. She asked if i didn't like Don and i dodged the question. I was relaxing and hanging with my friend and guess who shows up? Army Boy! Mpezi had told him i was at her place. My heart sank when he walked in mehn... and i had told Mpezi i was gonna hang with her all day long. Of course she told Army Boy and that's how within the next minute i found myself reluctantly going out with him. I couldn't get out of it. The dinner was all chill and stuff and he actually talked about reasonable things. I had a good time. Then we walked to the Walgreen's across the street to buy some stuff. On our way back, he suggested we go to the movies. I sharply turned that one down...Me ke? Inside the dark Cinema room with this one? Na lie! I trusted myself but i didnt trust him. He was very disappointed and tried to convince me to change my mind...I didn't. We got back into the car and he drove me back to Mpezi's. As i was about to open the door and get out of the car, the guy just drew me back to kiss me. Haaaaaaa...I was ready for him na. I already knew about that amateur move so i jejedly put my head down and my lips finely tucked into my mouth. He got my head though and my yaki hair helped me take whatever it was he dished out. My weave protected me from feeling anything on my skin. lol. Thank God. I swiftly got out of the car , waved an awkward goodbye and then ran towards Mpezi's apartment. I remember i prayed to God he wouldn't follow me back in. He didn't. lol Amen someborri :D

Marriage: He called me that night a bunch of times but i never did answer. The next day he called again and asked why i didn't kiss him. I then told him i would never kiss someone I'm not married to. hahahaha... But i wasn't joking. That was my conviction then. After that he didn't call me for almost three days! That was the strangest thing ever and it was then i realized that Ive never actually called him. Hes the only one that has been doing the calling. I felt the need to check up on him so i texted him and asked if he was ok. Big mistake! He called and said he wanted to see me. I dont know why but i was curious so i told him where i was. I swear to God this guy called me back in exactly five minutes that he was outside. How? Let me not go there. Hahahaaha... We went to one Thai restaurant that was close by to eat. Nothing prepared me for what this guy started saying. He was like he has never been turned down by a female before, he thinks I'm a good girl and that Id make a good wife. Homeboy said hes been waiting for me all his life and he'd like for me to be his wife. He also said its always been his dream to marry a virgin bride. I mean seriously... I'm not even kidding. lol. The boy craze no be for here o! If you see the kind Confusion that took over my body ehn... Chai! My poor appetite was gone. I had to ask him if he was kidding. He started up again about how hes gonna be a military doctor and how I'm set for life money wise etc etc...The summer heat and the sheer madness in front of me had me hyperventilating. The AC inside the restaurant was on but my body no gree. I was sweating buckets! lol

Long story short. Of course i told him no. He kept calling me for like a week and this time around i never answered any of the calls. I sent him a text on the 8th to wish him good luck in everything and i told him to stop calling me. I call him Don828. It started on the July 8th his birthday and ended August 8th. Phew! The longest One month of my At least i have a story about a man in uniform. Do you? hahahahahaha...

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Work blues

My people I just got home. I finally get the day off today and tomorrow! I worked back to back 18 hour shifts for 3days and i think i cant feel my feet anymore. Its the young age, Its now for me. This is the time i can stand on my feet all day and not fall down and collapse. God na my ike o! And Yes i did need the money. My bills don't pay themselves and Sugar Daddy never locate me yet. Man must work o! back is finished too. I don die. I really do need a massage! Married people are so lucky... They get massages for free. See how I'm going to lay down in pains and sleep my life away! Its not easy o! #tears. Dangote oooo! Come and adopt me biko. Investing 300million in Rice? Haba... $30grand will do. I don't ask for much, Them rice are greedy somethings. hahaha...
Well im going to crash now and Im turning my phone off biko. Before someone dem no born from them mama sonetin interrupts my sleep. The way its doing me now, I will kill them over the phone. Ok bye now :D

Sunday, January 19, 2014

My American Army Boy

Today i remember Don my army boy. I was just browsing through my timeline on facebook and i saw this new TV show on Fox called Enlisted. I don't even know if its premiered yet. It just made me remember my first proposal ever. Yup it was from an Army boy! Let me tell you the story. I will try to highlight the relevant points.

When i was 19 i met this amazing woman called Mpezi. I hope i spelt that correctly my Kenyan people. Forgive me biko if i misspelled it. lol. She was ten years older than i was but she and i hung out like that didn't matter. Yes o! I'm an old soul. A lot of my friends have a good number of years on me but it don't even feel like it most times. I fit right in. Anyway  Mpezi was dating this oil off shore Kenyan guy. I used to hang out with them alot and soon i started to think i was Kenyan too. I swear! lol. I have met some very amazing Kenyans! I love them!

Don the Army guy was having a birthday party. Now i had never met him o but they used to talk about him constantly because he was Mpezi's boyfriend's best friend. Are you still with me? lol
They sha dragged me to his birthday party and when we arrived i was wow'd! Omo ehn there was enough good looking Army men there. Them Army guys can like to fine o! And the ones that were there sef were the tall, dark and handsome ones. I felt extremely small so i just found my square root in one

My friends went to mingle and find the celebrant and i was just sitting and enjoying the music. It was a nice house o! Nice neighbourhood too. I was impressed. One fine gentleman approached where i was sitting, with a drink in hand. He was smiling and he asked me if i wanted something to drink. I politely declined and before i could say "Jack Robinson" this guy sat beside me. I turned and smiled awkwardly at him and he introduced himself with his hand out for a handshake. He said "Hi my name is Don". I was like Don? Wait this is your party? He started laughing and said yes. I still didn't take his hand though. I was just looking at him and taking in his features. lol. He snapped him back to reality sha and i politely shook his hand for a second. His hand was big o! I don't know what you are thinking but my hand no dey...lmao! Na you get your mind. hehehehe :D

I don't know where it came from but i just started running my mouth. By now you should know that when i get nervous, i ramble. I think i told him i was there with his best friend and his girlfriend and Ive heard so much about him. I was really curious about the scar he had on his face so i asked him about it. Thats another thing about me, I will ask you anything that comes to mind. Im a mess when Im nervous mehn... lol. About the scar, He didn't get it at the war like i thought (lol...he hasn't even been to one then), it was a knife wound and he got it from a bar fight. His stock just decreased then and there for me. I was like...NEExxxTTT. I aint gat time for no bad boys. haha

Mpezi found us talking and she came over to introduce us. She was the one that told him my name. lol. He said something funny and i laughed and then he got up and said he would love to hear that laugh again. Mpezi just brought out her phone and gave my number without asking me! I later found out it was all planned. The set up with the Kenyan American Army boy.

To be continued...

So My boss and her cohorts are trying to keep us from going online when we are at work. Oh comeon! its night shift, not like we have a lot to do after midnight. We gotta stay awake somehow right? No mind these "Ogas at the top" mehn... Chilling in their beds at night and still trynna control how we spend our downtime at night. Arrrrrrrgggghhhhhhhhhhhh! They are finna push my wrong button o! Haaaaaa

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Its Skype time! Or is it?

I don't keep up with all these new technology somethings... Snap chat, Insta chat, Vine etc etc... Forget my age, I'm like an old grandma when it comes to these stuff. I didnt buy an ipod till 2012. I have a bunch of Skype contacts but i can honestly count how many times Ive done the Skype video chat thingy. Seriously why does every one want to see some one's face? Cant we all just text each other and live ehn? Inukwa Nsogbu?

Mr Dimples have been on my case the past three days talking about how he really wants to see my face and ish... Yesterday I had to tell him to back off me biko. I don't have time to sit down and Skype with you. When you come back from where you are, you can see me. Oh don't worry, i said that in the sweetest way possible. hahahaha! Not that he listened to me anyway.... I woke up to this text, "hey alien! the girl i like is an alien. Well i sure hope you fix your antenna this morning and rub your green lotion or whatever it is that makes you guys green. Just a reminder. Have a good morning with your other alien buddies and fam". Lmao! Oh This boy is an

My friend Lyric(yes, thats really her name), relaxed and styled my hair for me. I mean i got my hair did today. Eyebrows done and errthang on point. As soon as i got home, I "imessaged" him to give him his skype contact so i could call him. Omo ehn he didnt even waste time. He sent it sharply and told me hes excited and waiting. This had to be like midnight his time o! lol. Homeboy couldnt even hide his excitement. Hahaha...thats one thing with him. Hes so open and blunt. Well he does know what he wants and i applaud him for going for it. I'm a catch, thank you very much. #flipsmyhair and #rme. lol Hi hater *tongue

Yes you guessed it! I didn't wanna Skype or face time before because i hadn't got my self together. lol But now that i have, Im like "im ready for you boy". You can see me now.

 Well Except that i got nervous and couldn't bring myself to make the call. hahahaha... I don't know what is wrong with me o! My stomach started turning so bad and my palms got real sweaty and my heart beat was racing and I even had to go to the number two in the bathroom and i remained there for over 45 minutes. Strength to stand up failed me. hahaha... I sha came out to see my phone filled with messages from him. I couldn't even bring myself to read them. I just turned my phone off and laid down on the bed. Soon enough i was asleep! I just woke up and i cant even turn my phone on for fear of what i will read. I'm such a mess...*covers face*  Maybe im not cut out for this mehn...Ije love adiro (the love journey is not) easy my people.
Another fail on my I need to get it together o!

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

I want to be like LaTasha!

I know alot of Tasha's and i can honestly say that there is something about that name. Yes o! All of them wey i know sef na hood rat ghetto babes! I love them all like that though. Let me tell you about this Tasha. Her full name is Latasha and boooy is she fierce! That lady is 30 shades of hot sotey my boss dey fear am. lol

Latasha comes late to work every day she is on shift. No body says nothing. Her excuse? Shes got kids. But i know Tasha o! Its true that shes got kids but my people her kids enter the bus at 6;15am. Ok Latasha lives only ten mins away from work and the clock in time is 7 am. Tell me why this heifer comes in 30 mins late all the time ehn biko nu?

Latasha is bipolar. That is my own diagnosis on her o! Omo if the chick comes in the morning you just gotta measure her face first. Is she happy? Is she mad? Oh shes mad that day?  Haaa...What did baby daddy Tremaine do now... Oh shit. Just know that you are not leaving that nursing station till she calms and listens to your shift reports on the patients. Don't you dare ask her what is wrong either. The stink eye and hood rat curses you gonna get is not gonna make your morning good. She has her happy days though. Days she comes in happy and smiling. Boy do we pray for those days whenever we see shes on the schedule to

Latasha is always on point. Her hair is forever laid, makeup fixed, shoes right and scrubs tight. Errthang girl! She is always on her A game in appearance. She comes into work and goes straight to the bathroom. Then comes out looking extra flawless. Oh don't mess with Tasha and her looks. Shes a vain *insert female dog name here* One unlucky new girl asked her one time, "is that your hair?". Lets just say the little white girl left that day crying her eyes out. Lesson! never ask a black woman you do not know if whatever she has on her head is hers. Honey you could get beat and it ain't worth it boo. Mind ya own hair ooo!

Latasha is out spoken. She tells it as it is. No sugar coating and no constructive bush beating. She once told the charge nurse that if she would get off her fat ass and actually rounded on the patients, then we could get higher Patient satisfaction scores for our Unit. Oh don't feel bad for the charge nurse. We were all thinking it... Latasha just helped us say it. That one (charge nurse) is always blaming everybody but herself for anything going wrong on our unit. But when it comes to taking the glory, she get off her chair and hurries to the front to get credit. That woman is lazy ehn... Chai! And very annoying and arrogant too. The Southern hospitality gene missed her. #tueh

Latasha is a boss... guess who got all the holidays off? Christmas, Thanksgiving, New years Eve, etc etc... Sister Mi no work for any of them days o! My manager really likes her and she just caters to her every excuse. My people having a relationship/kissing up to the boss pays o! Ask Tash! hahahaha :D

Latasha is late, loud mouthed, vain, a lil bipolar but she backs it up with hard work. Now as soon as Latasha gets into the work, shes in. She is a great nurse. Ok on most occasions she is. lol. I remember when we had this one aggressive for no reason, difficult patient that decided she was gonna make every body's shift time miserable... They gave her to Latasha as a patient. She "checked" the patient real quick in words you should never use on a patient/customer. And after that exchange, she reported herself to the manager. They did take her off the patient duties, but the patient insisted she wanted her as her nurse still. By the end of the shift i heard the patient was best friends with her and co operating with all her treatments. The magic that is Tasha :)

hahahaha... I'm writing this Tasha post cos this my co worker/ friend April had Latasha's name in her mouth for a min. She was complaining about Tasha to me in the break room o! Well Latasha came into the break room a lil while after her rant and she's scared Tasha heard her. Shes literally pink in color now cos Ms Latasha decided to sit and chill with us. lol. The fear of Tasha is the beginning of wisdom. Oh April dear... quit texting me. I don't think she heard you. You are still alive right now so that's a positive sign you're good. hahahahaha! Oh i work with different characters mehn... April's story is coming. lol

Monday, January 13, 2014

Face time???

Ah Mr Dimples is really something! I mean hes so sweet and funny and nice and considerate and intelligent and... Oh my gosh! Im gushing. lol. Truth be told, I am really smitten.
He has been calling me a whole lot. Almost everyday, i get a call from him! I like it! I really like talking to him and hearing him laugh at my jokes. He thinks I'm funny...hehehe. Hey! Doesn't matter if you agree. I don't care for you! *sticks my tongue out at you* lol

For a while now he didnt have any access to the Internet. He just recently connected his phone to the phone service in Germany and got his own number. Phew! Thank God. Now we can text. That's more where i have a grade A in. I'm a text -er. I can write an epistle in a minute. lol.  I'm fast like that and yea I'm proud. Hahaha...its an accomplishment and a skill, thank you very much!

So since he is using his cell phone now i totally forgot to prepare myself for the inevitable. Face time! Skype! I forgot about those means of communication! I remembered today though because I saw a face time call request from him! I was like whaaaatttt? What is this guy face timing me for? Silly i Know but come on now, you don't just face time a girl. You gotta text and ask in advance so we can get ready.

Omo i let the thing ring o! Me no answer. He called to face time again and i still didn't pick up. Ah my people i wasn't ready to fall my hand and that of my mother na... How can? I looked an absolute mess. My eyebrows was due for a wax. I had just taken my braids out and my hair was still unrelaxed. My lips were chapped from the nonsense cold and I was wearing an old tshirt that i swear has seen better better days. The blemishes on my face were more pronounced and the pimple on my forehead was just all ripe and shiny. Plus i just finished frying plantain and i was sweating buckets. The heater in the house was turned all the way up because my mother no fit stand cold. Ah not tell me how i wan take answer the face time looking like Ru Paul on a bad day? Mba nu...

I know. i know, some of you are thinking looks don't matter. are so cute and so sweet. Its true sha. For me I think I will let you see me natural but i will save that horror and open that not so great can when we've jumped the broom. But For now? Its all about you thinking i wake up Flawless. That's what mama taught me. Na market we dey here biko. I cant pour sand inside my own garri na.

Dimples kinda has an idea when I'm free. I had told him when it was okay to call me. I did that cos of the different country time zone and all. While i was thinking of the best way to respond to the missed Face time calls, he texts me.
Homeboy was like.. "are you free? I really want to see your beautiful face today". See this guy. E no know say he suppose give me a heads up nu, so the beautiful face can be waiting to face time? Ah and my foundation finished yesterday sef so i never replace am. My guy go see beautiful face on another day... Today was not his

I didn't want to lie, so i just texted him the truth. lol I said, "I look like a hot mess, I'm not face time ready. Dude im a lady. we are supposed to schedule this kinda thing so i can keep up with the appearances and look flawless you know..."
He then sent me about 20 of that apple laugh emoji that has tears in it. At the end he said... "oh gosh! you wow me. I really do like you Lee". Oh yea people... He calls me Lee! I liiiikkkkkee it! hahahaha...

Episode 1: My Dog Tales

Straight to the point... I HATE dogs! I cant stand them. I cant be near them. They scare me shitless. They are the reason I'm locked up in my house right now and cant enjoy this delicious neighborhood. I'm supposed to go out jogging tonight but my neighbours dogs wont let me. Them lil (insert female dog name here) smell me as soon as i walk out and they start a bark fest! Im so tired of this sh*t. Why cant a girl live in peace? I hate everything about dogs mehn...EVERYTHING. And yes including them lil Chihuahuas or whatever you call it. I don't watch dog movies either... Ah I am so not a dog person. lol. I'm so sorry if you are though. I don't mean to be so hateful. Its just Ive never agreed with dogs. I would NEVER  maltreat one though. Heck I cant even go close to that will never happen. I'm just really terrified of them and i wish my neighbors didn't have so many of them. I mean our neighborhood is safe so, why breed dogs in your house? lol.  I don't get that part...

My horror stories with dogs dates back to before i was even born. According to my family, we had two dogs but they both died within weeks of each other before i was born. I Guess even before i graced this world my feelings for them was already signed, sealed, and delivered to them. They had to exit for me to make my way in. Boss level things ;)
I don't know if to call it a phobia though. I'm just terrified of them when i see them live. Its really bad though... I ve had a couple of funny but not so Funny experiences. Its not being an easy journey...

I remember the very first horror day clearly... It was Palm Sunday and i was barely eight years old. I lived in Nigeria then with my brothers. One was eleven, the other was ten, and my baby brother was five. We always walked to church and our church was located on a street called Saint John's street. So that particular Sunday, after an amazing church service, my brothers, my cousins and I headed home. My cousins lived like ten mins away from our house, so we always walked to church with them. I was the only girl in the group so i tried extra hard to keep up with them boys. Phew! It was hard though... They always wanted to get down and dirty and I was taunted alot so i always ended up joining them in their shenanigans. Nothing good ever came out of those though...

Our game for that Sunday was ding dong ditch... We were all happy little kids, walking home and occasionally stopping at houses to ring the door bell and run. Don't judge us, I'm sure you've done alot worse. hahahaha.! We took turns though and then it got to my turn. Now Saint John's road was an open well tarred long road. On Sundays alot of people are normally outside their home in the verandas or lawns just chilling and enjoying the fresh air. There were alot of street vendors too e.g. People hawking food, tailor shops, kiosks etc etc...

Ok so when it got to my turn, i went up to the house. I was real scared i remember... I didn't want to do it but the pressure to fit in with the boys was a lil much. I pushed the door bell and turned to run. As i turned, there it was...the biggest looking dog ever.! Im still so traumatized that i have never even looked up what kind of dog that was on google. I wasn't a bull dog though... This dog was just huge and it was just staring me down. Now a normal human being would have just smiled at it and gently walked away or something. But not me o! I could hear my cousin yelling "dont run" at me. I wasn't gonna listen to him though. It took all of five seconds for me to start running. I started flying down the street... yelling and screaming "anwu laam eee!", in my native language...Meaning "I don die o"! Hahahaha...
The dog chased after me and i had a head start, Thank God! I was a lil ahead. While i was running and screaming, I was crying and praying to God too. Ah i remember that day so well. The street vendors were staring at me like i was a mad woman, My siblings and cousins were on the floor by the roadside laughing their butts off, and i was running down the streets being chased after what looked like a wolf. LMBO!

I ducked into a tailors shop though. Bless his heart. He came out with a stick and chased the dog away. I stayed in hiding for a long time refusing to come out. They had to go get my older cousin to come get me out of the tailor's shop. lol
And that's just the first episode. My dog vault stories are memories Ive tried to suppress. I really do not care for them...Thank you very *smdh

*sorry for my errors abeg. Im just vexed now. lol

Friday, January 10, 2014

First Crush in Oyibo

OK so in my last post I did mention that I'm in my twenties but up until a year ago I never had a boyfriend. Well I'm here to talk about my first crush. And when I say first I really do mean first. I was a late bloomer y'all. Like really late.

I was 18. Hahaha... Yes I know that sounds unbelievable for you obodo oyibo kids but a bred Naija girl kid will understand. I was in my 12th grade here and for the first time in my life, I started to notice boys. When I mean notice, I mean actually crushing on them and wishing I'd be their girlfriend or something. 
I went to an all girls school in Nigeria, then I moved here for the last two years of high school. The first year I spent like a zombie. It was Only school for me, no social activity or friends. It was really hard adjusting cos of the culture difference and also cos I was a shy girl.  Ok Like I came from this sheltered all girls school in a Nigerian remote village,  to this all white big city mixed public school. Omo the difference was clear and very scary. I spent my first year and almost half of the second year sef comparing and contrasting the two worlds. I learnt a whole lot being an observer. I thank God for that. More on that later...

Ok so there was this boy Kevin. Omo this boy fine o! Like his fine is Diddy's son Quincy Combs fine. They look alike so, google him to get the picture guys... This boy was not just fine but he was on the swim team and he was real smart too. Most of the girls in the school wanted him. I heard stories mehn... High school girls are something else. I swear I used to think I was In a university cos of the way everyone was acting waaaaay beyond their teen years and it felt like no one could stop them. Anyway I sha stayed away from this Kevin guy o! My hand no dey.

So one day I drove my sisters car to the gas station a lil mile away from the school. When I was coming out from the store, I ran into Kevin. I just looked up at him and didn't say anything. I kept on walking to my car. The boy followed me o! I got to my car and turned na. I faced him and he was just standing there smiling. I wondered why he was smiling, but I waited for him to say something. He asked me my name and I told him. He then asked if I was the girl in all his AP classes. I answered yes! In my head i was like, ah homeboy noticed me? Hian! The next thing this "guy" man walked into my personal space and then asked me why I ran when I saw him. Omo ehn my spit finished in my mouth. It was all dry and ish and cos of that I couldnt really talk. I sharply stepped back and bumped into my car. He started laughing and then he told me he thought I was cute but that I'm so stuck up and never talk to anybody. lol.

Well he did get one part right, I hardly spoke to anyone. However I didn't know they all thought I was stuck up cos of that. I was just too shy. 
Anyway he stepped back and then asked if he could help me pump my gas. I let him and as he was doing it, he kept talking. He invited me to a friends party that afternoon but I just blurted out "No". I was a social mess. Hahaha... I was a case then o! I hardly talked but I always gave answers from the heart. No sugar coating or bush beating. I aint gat time for

 After that day, whenever he'd see me In school, he'd come talk to me. He switched seats in our AP English and Math classes to sit with me. He was the one that started introducing me to other seniors and that's how I met my high school best friend. Her name was Hannah. She got pregnant after high school for her army boyfriend sha. We lost touch. And o she had twins. I think they're stationed in Japan now... Miss her :(

 Because of Kevin, I came out of my shell and started participating in school activities. Thank God for him cos I had about 3 months extra curricular activity with the debate team and school paper for my college thingy. He came at the right time and did his God given role in my life. I never let on that I liked him o! We were just friends cos he had a girlfriend in College. His girlfriend then was 2years older and a University 2nd year. See boss level thingz na. High schooler with College babe. Omo ehn... lol.
To the best of my knowledge he never cheated on her with them thirsty high school girls. I wouldn't bet my paycheck on that

Memo to Kev:
Hi Kevin... boy you gotta go back to College. I cant believe you dropped out :( Try and make it right my friend. Let God guide you. :)

Thursday, January 9, 2014

On Butterflies and Heritage

The first call ended and It was really good y'all. I was proud of myself for actually keeping a conversation going that long and not getting bored. It was a huge feat for me guys cos I normally shy away from things like that. But with Dimples it was like I had this whole other person in me emerging. I kinda liked it.

I didn't have a call back number though but that was fine with me. At least I don't have to do the whole should I call him or not dance with myself. Hahaha... That thing is just too much wahala. I had a friend shut a guy down cos he called 4days after she had given him her number. She said if he really wanted something with her, he would have called her the very next day or that same day. What do I know? Ok moving on...

I'm sure you've guessed it by now...I've never had a boyfriend. I know,  I know what's a twenty plus two year old girl doing without some "loving"? Well I've had prospects in the past o, but something always seemed off. I will elaborate each of their stories in different posts. No be say na me holy pass but I know what I want and I've never been In a relationship cos the whole package never come. lol.

So back to the story... I got a call back a day later! And this time there was a number on my screen. My phone did show me the country... Germany thingz na. *wink wink** In my bid to tone down my excitement and the crazy butterflies in my stomach, the phone stopped ringing! Omo see as I begin panic... I was looking at my phone and kinda screaming No, no, no. Where my call coma go na? Na so I begin fire prayer so that my phone would ring again. Hahaha! And the embarrassing thing was I was outside in school, sitting with a friend that had no idea what was up with me. She was like "are you ok? ". Me nwa just tuned the fly off and continued my prayer for the Dimples to call me back o! He did about ten mins later. Praise The Lord someborri! Hahaha... oh yes!

I still calmed a lil but this time I did it faster and then, I answered in the sweetest, nonchalant voice I could come up with. You know this kind thingz's a "coding sontin". You can't be all out there. Excited and ish... Save it for later when Una get exclusive ya know what I'm saying? lol
He started with that his sweet laugh and he called me my name. Omo ehn this my name I've been hearing it all my life o but when he says it... #swoon! My stomach starts acting all crazy and ish. He really has an amazing deep voice with all that British accent. See me tripping for British accent o! Me that I refused to watch Harry Potter cos I just couldn't stand the accent. Well well...thingz change o! 
Haaa... lol

It was that phone conversation that I found out what some people have been asking me. His heritage. Dimples is half German(dad), half Nigerian &Lebanese(mum). I know!!! Only one person carry this kind rich heritage! But I was happy o! At least Naija take enter...and He wasn't a floating Nigerian sef, His uncles and grand parents lived there. He worked for a Nigerian company In Port harcourt for a while. Homeboy was very much Nigerian and His state na Delta. I'm not for sure how to spell it but its Urobho ba? You sha get place I'm trying to mention. I was happy o! At least my parents will hear Nigeria join the whole thing and they will let up a lil. That's if something did come out of this... Now I'm running faster than my But these thingz matter o! I can't be going into something when I know my parents may fight me on it. Energy to fight for "love" is honestly something I know say I no get. lol.
Pray with me :)

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

My Mother Is a Character

I love my mother, but sometimes i want to trade her in for some peace! This woman can disturb me for life ehn... Its not like I'm her only kid o! I think she just loves me way too much.
Recently shes been nagging me about my weight. No be say i be yokozuna o! I just gained a lil bit of weight (dang Mexican and, the weight is just sitting on my boobs! lol. I love it though. I was a C cup but now I'm a Double D! The way the boobs just exploded over night wows me! Im loving the attention my "girls" are getting... Hahahaha! I even named them...Nkemka(my own is bigger) and Ibuzitara (fat brought me). Seriously which girl wouldn't love big attention grabbing boobs? I know i do though! :)

Mama bear just thinks my chest is about to explode. She says it looks like those of a nursing mother and it may attract the wrong kind of attention. I'm like "ah haba! Mummie you sef...". But honestly its not like im leaving them hanging or something. They are safely tucked into my clothes you know... Christan girl style. lol. So tell me why this woman wont leave my boobies alone ehn? Haaa...see me o! lol.

Im sha cutting down on my chow this year. Ive been a lil out of control with the munching-s. I'm taking charge and getting it under control before i add more weight and, my boobs get to letter F or G and my mother goes into cardiac arrest. God forbid o! hahahaha :)

Also another reason for this my mama rant post is the guilt trip. My mother is the queen of it. I mean the guilt trip thing mothers do when they ask you to do stuff and you politely decline. Then they put on the puppy dog wounded look and start murmuring on how they carried you for  nine months and ish. Chai! My mama got that one on lock down. Na she invent that act. I try not to let her get to me but she always wins. The main one is She normally guilt trips me into driving her to places. She can drive o! but her Naija women party paroles are at night and she dont really like driving far at night. So of course she guilt's me into driving her to her night paroles. Sometimes i just want to sleep and me nwa sef dont like driving at night esp if i have no idea where im going to. I hate the GPS thing at night and Im just not too fond of my GPS. That one will take me round and round the place. Nonsense something.

Ok this one night my mum wanted to go to her friends Late mother's wake keeping. The thing was supposed to hold at a hall, 45 mins from where we lived. She tried to get me to drive her there but i declined and slept off. OMo i woke up and couldn't find my mother. The car was gone too. Haaaa.... i called her phone, no answer. I kept calling and at a point it started going to voice mail. Heyyy! I don die today i thought. So I called 911 and told them my mother was missing. Of course they gave me the 48 hours speech and how shes a grown woman and shes alright and blah blah. I waited and started calling my siblings in panic. I come tell dem say i don lost their mama o! hahahaha... My Brothers finished me on the phone. Talking about why did i refuse to take her and if something happened to her i should better dig grave for two cos i will be joining her. Idiot boys did nothing to calm me down. Well i stayed up that night and for almost four hours i kept crying and watching out the window for every car that approached hoping it was my mum, safe and sound.

I drifted off to sleep and when i opened my eye it was morning. I didn't want to get up and turn on the TV for fear of bad news. I stayed in bed and prayed to God to forgive me and bring back my mother. I started crying again. It was Then i heard the bathroom door open. I got up immediately to check whats up... and who did i see? MY MOTHER! I stood by the side watching her for a min and she was just there in the bathroom brushing her teeth. Heyy ehn... i wanted to beat the woman ooo! Imagine her all calm and brushing her teeth and i was a dead mess.  I don suffer high bp on top her head the whole night and there she was all healthy and hearty. I sha just stood outside the bathroom hands akimbo waiting for her to finish so she can come out and explain herself. Ah i was ready to dress her It was like the roles were reversed. Im the mom and shes the kid that stayed out all night. hahahaha. When she came out she was like "ah Nne you're awake? Did i wake you?". Hahahahaha... Oh my gosh! I died right there. lol

Anyway it turned out she decided that night to free me of my driving Miss Daisy duties and go out on her own. Her phone wasn't really charged, so my numerous calls made the thing go off. It was a wake keep so naturally it lasted till morning. She did apologize but also she was very amused that i had even called the cops. The best part about this story is i no longer do all the night driving for her. Now she drives herself to where she wants to go party with other Naija mothers. She only calls on me if she really really needs me. And I'm now always happy to oblige. Nnem amaka. Love her! I ve got so many mum She is a character i tell ya! And o i never did scream or yell at her. I was a crying mess that morning.Accommodate and Appreciate una mama o! The time is now! lol

Its the year 2014!

Happy New Year!!!!!! We all made it to 2014 by the grace of God. Im grateful to God for a good 2013. Im hoping for a better 2014. Amen!

Happy New Year guys! I know it took me a lil while to say Ive been on vacation but Im back! Phew** It felt good to be away from my work desk for a while. Sometimes you need to take a breather. Oh yes! And yup i made New Year Resolutions! Sure did!

So This Year, 2014 I will try really really hard to: eat right, exercise, blog regularly, work less &play more, love and help other people.  Thats all! I'm pretty simple. Nothing extreme. lol
Im sure i can do all these This year. The work less part will be tricky but i will keep you updated on how that goes.!

Happy New Year Everyone. Walk with me this year and lets enjoy the year! Amen!

Love, Leona