Monday, January 13, 2014

Episode 1: My Dog Tales


Straight to the point... I HATE dogs! I cant stand them. I cant be near them. They scare me shitless. They are the reason I'm locked up in my house right now and cant enjoy this delicious neighborhood. I'm supposed to go out jogging tonight but my neighbours dogs wont let me. Them lil (insert female dog name here) smell me as soon as i walk out and they start a bark fest! Im so tired of this sh*t. Why cant a girl live in peace? I hate everything about dogs mehn...EVERYTHING. And yes including them lil Chihuahuas or whatever you call it. I don't watch dog movies either... Ah I am so not a dog person. lol. I'm so sorry if you are though. I don't mean to be so hateful. Its just Ive never agreed with dogs. I would NEVER  maltreat one though. Heck I cant even go close to them...so that will never happen. I'm just really terrified of them and i wish my neighbors didn't have so many of them. I mean our neighborhood is safe so, why breed dogs in your house? lol.  I don't get that part...

My horror stories with dogs dates back to before i was even born. According to my family, we had two dogs but they both died within weeks of each other before i was born. I Guess even before i graced this world my feelings for them was already signed, sealed, and delivered to them. They had to exit for me to make my way in. Boss level things ;)
I don't know if to call it a phobia though. I'm just terrified of them when i see them live. Its really bad though... I ve had a couple of funny but not so Funny experiences. Its not being an easy journey...



I remember the very first horror day clearly... It was Palm Sunday and i was barely eight years old. I lived in Nigeria then with my brothers. One was eleven, the other was ten, and my baby brother was five. We always walked to church and our church was located on a street called Saint John's street. So that particular Sunday, after an amazing church service, my brothers, my cousins and I headed home. My cousins lived like ten mins away from our house, so we always walked to church with them. I was the only girl in the group so i tried extra hard to keep up with them boys. Phew! It was hard though... They always wanted to get down and dirty and I was taunted alot so i always ended up joining them in their shenanigans. Nothing good ever came out of those though...

Our game for that Sunday was ding dong ditch... We were all happy little kids, walking home and occasionally stopping at houses to ring the door bell and run. Don't judge us, I'm sure you've done alot worse. hahahaha.! We took turns though and then it got to my turn. Now Saint John's road was an open well tarred long road. On Sundays alot of people are normally outside their home in the verandas or lawns just chilling and enjoying the fresh air. There were alot of street vendors too e.g. People hawking food, tailor shops, kiosks etc etc...

Ok so when it got to my turn, i went up to the house. I was real scared i remember... I didn't want to do it but the pressure to fit in with the boys was a lil much. I pushed the door bell and turned to run. As i turned, there it was...the biggest looking dog ever.! Im still so traumatized that i have never even looked up what kind of dog that was on google. I wasn't a bull dog though... This dog was just huge and it was just staring me down. Now a normal human being would have just smiled at it and gently walked away or something. But not me o! I could hear my cousin yelling "dont run" at me. I wasn't gonna listen to him though. It took all of five seconds for me to start running. I started flying down the street... yelling and screaming "anwu laam eee!", in my native language...Meaning "I don die o"! Hahahaha...
The dog chased after me and i had a head start, Thank God! I was a lil ahead. While i was running and screaming, I was crying and praying to God too. Ah i remember that day so well. The street vendors were staring at me like i was a mad woman, My siblings and cousins were on the floor by the roadside laughing their butts off, and i was running down the streets being chased after what looked like a wolf. LMBO!

I ducked into a tailors shop though. Bless his heart. He came out with a stick and chased the dog away. I stayed in hiding for a long time refusing to come out. They had to go get my older cousin to come get me out of the tailor's shop. lol
And that's just the first episode. My dog vault stories are memories Ive tried to suppress. I really do not care for them...Thank you very much..lol *smdh


*sorry for my errors abeg. Im just vexed now. lol