Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Dog Tales: Episode 2


My neighbours breed dogs! I have come to that conclusion. lol. I think it should be a law that you cant have more than one dog. Ah Kilode? I swear the couple that live in the house to the right beside us have like 10 dogs. And, No its not the lil fairly cute ones but them big scary looking "wolves". For Gods sake i cant jog outside in the streets in peace. We pay money to live in this quiet neighborhood but no i cant enjoy it because any time i step outside there is a wolf laying in wait, ready to charge at me. Ehn, i know I'm exaggerating but you should hear what this couple tells me... Talking about they don't bite and ish...Who are you telling that one? I see your animal eyeing me like juicy bone and you are telling me to come closer it doesn't bite. Afo dikwa unu na'ime(may their stomach turn) lol. Aaaah I'm vexed and Im ranting. I know. I know... but i cant help it. I really would love to jog around so i can get my body summer ready but them loud <insert female dog name here> wont give me that peace. #rme

Ive always been scared of dogs. In fact most Animals on fours i think. Cat, dog, horse, pig, anything domestic, I'm scared shit less of them. Dogs petrify me. Like as soon as i see them, i just change direction. I remember i had a very good Friend back in Nigeria and they had a dog. I heard the dog was sweet and all but i never went to her house because  of that animal. She lived just five minutes away and we were so close. She was always the one coming to see me in my home and even though i felt bad, i knew there was no way i was ever going to her house.I just couldn't. The day before i was supposed to travel to America, i was forced to go to the house and tell her i was leaving for a while. I stood three houses away and sent my lil brother to go to her house and tell her to come out so i can talk to her. lol. It was that bad. Hi Ng :)

I had this aunt that lived in Lagos. I think it was Ketu and i was just 13 then.  I went to visit her in her house for the first time. She came and picked me up from another aunts house and together we went to her place. Nice big house o and I was like oh yea, Im going to see Auntie's house for the first time. I was so excited. She had three boys and i was older than all of them but i was looking forward to seeing them that day. The driver dropped my aunt and i at her house and as soon as i stepped down from the car, nothing prepared me for what i saw. Omo they had three black dogs and they were walking towards us...I turned and started screaming. I remember i was yelling in Igbo "Lekwa nu Nkita o! A wulam taa o". Meaning "See big dogs, I'm a dead girl today". lol. As I was screaming i was banging on the door of the car for the driver to open the door so i can get back in. I was crying and yes i think i wet my pants. My uncle, his friends that came to visit, my aunt, my cousins, the gateman, driver, house help... Ooo i had a very big audience and i was putting on a good show for them. Everyone except my aunt was on the floor laughing and practically crying. The gate man had stopped the dogs from reaching me but the driver was too busy laughing to open the door for me to get back in. My aunt then came around to me...she was holding me while i was crying and trying to calm me down. I cant ever forget that day. hahaha... I refused to sleep in that house o! Lai lai! They called my mother and all and i still wouldn't leave the side of the car even when the dogs were no where in sight. That night they drove me from Ketu all the way to Satellite Town in Lagos... Kai! I sabi give trouble o!

A lot My friends and coworkers here have dogs.  You will not see me in their house. Its that simple. Even cat sef...me i no dey go.lol. Ive tried to "man up" and see if i can stand them but my heart just starts racing and my whole body starts shaking. I cant do dogs or cats or any 4legged creatures mehn. lol. I had a pet fish. It died. My niece wants me to get her a turtle. In year 2030. hahaha.
My friend Cindy is still mad i didn't make it to her house party for her birthday. Umunnam i just wanted to ask her, Nnem with nkita ahu no na ulo gi? Mba nu. I just told her i was sick though. lol. Gave her a gift card for her troubles...haha That settled it :)

On another note i need a massage. Ah married people are so lucky. Free massages for a life time...lol. I still gotta pay for mine. Sometimes i have my little niece walk all over my back. Cheap technique but it works. lol. I buy her ice cream for taking care of me. My lil angel.  Gotta go to sleep now. Since i cant jog because i live in the dog zone. haha. Bye guys :)